


I did this, not her , but me

by batsbatsbatsbats



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Episode s01e10 Fragments, Greg you fucked up, PTSD, Slight intentional self harm, So much angst, Spoilers, Spoilers for episode fragments, Spoilers for fragments, Steven Universe has PTSD, Steven needs a hug, Steven needs therapy, Traumatic Experiences, episode s01e10: Fragments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batsbatsbatsbats/pseuds/batsbatsbatsbats
Summary: Takes place in the Steven Universe Future episode  Fragments. ((MAJOR SPOILERS PEOPLE))Steven recounts on events as his already rapidly declining mental state takes an enormous nose dive at his actions.
Relationships: Steven universe and Jasper, steven and pain
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	I did this, not her , but me

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly started crying at this episode. It really just shows how quickly Steven is becoming less and less of himself as his trauma takes him over. I am pissed at his dad for being so insensitive and I just want to give Steven a hug.

This was the final straw for Steven. After all the horrible things he’s done this has got to be the worst. He’s never realized how quickly he’s becoming less himself and more of a heartless diamond. He has to leave and preferably before he hurts somebody else.

Looking into Jaspers eyes as she kneels in front of the bathtub before him in submission made bile rise in his throat. Horrified tears streamed down his face as his hands couldn’t stop shaking. HE did this, not pink diamond , but him, Steven Universe.

It was all too easy losing himself in the feeling of having somebody finally understanding him. His dad whined how his childhood was worse than Steven’s and how Steven has it lucky. As if Steven wasn’t a soldier from birth and was now one step away from destroying everything around him and himself.

The gems didn’t even like him at first, he shoved and clawed his way into their “family”. Now they treat him less like a hurt child and more like a soldier who’s fallen out of line. It just made so much sense to go to the person who understood what to do with anger.

Getting rid of his pent up rage was therapeutic almost. He let himself fall into the motions. Steven forgot that nothing is stronger than a diamond. He learned that the hard way when he collapsed onto the ground holding the pieces of Jasper.

This has been getting out of hand. These awful pink outbursts. Slowly one by one his relationships with everyone around him got ruined. And it was all Stevens fault for becoming this monster.

Running to the warp pad he felt such disgust at himself and numbing terror. He was a hypocrite for thinking of what he said on the moon base years ago. “His mom was such a good person she’d never shatter anybody.” Turns out Steven just won the worst diamond competition without even fucking entering.

The gems tried to stop him , which genuinely surprised him. The thought of them caring made his bone deep sadness grow heavier. Wouldn’t they be happier if he wasn’t around messing everything up? He wouldn’t hurt anybody and Jasper would be safe after all. Jasper showed up to stop him too. Acid filled his mouth at the thought of her “serving her diamond”.

He was Pink Diamond and he was always pink diamond. The moment he was born he became pink diamond. He only realized that after he was split into two by White. It was time to stop pretending to be an innocent,sweet, kid when really he was a ,monster, soldier and a bomb.

With a voice that was so empty he couldn’t even recognize himself anymore he said his goodbyes to the gems. His fists were clenched so tightly there was small pinpricks of blood. He deserved it ,he wasn’t safe to be around. Steven wasn’t a hero anymore. He became what he was terrified of fighting against as a child. 

He didn’t believe they could fix him on Homeworld. Steven just thought that since they’re all diamonds maybe he wouldn’t hurt anybody anymore. And if hypothetically Steven got hurt in Homeworld due to his rapid downward spiral then it was better to have the people who used to love him not there.

After all who could love a monster like him? It was too late to fix things. The only thing left to do is to quietly self destruct next to the indestructible. One thing was for sure though, Steven would never hurt anybody ever again.


End file.
